Forgiveness

A marriage can't survive without forgiveness, but we often misunderstand what forgiveness actually means. Here are the 4 vital keys to healing, rebuilding trust and moving forward.

 http://www.patheos.com/blogs/davewillis/the-4-steps-to-forgiveness/

He's Not the Spiritual Leader I Wanted

http://www.growthtrac.com/hes-not-the-spiritual-leader-i-wanted/#.VqovRPkrLIV

Kids Aren't the Priority...Marriage is.

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/relationships/kids-arent-priority-your-marriage

Marriage...more than just "hard work"

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/relationships/stop-calling-marriage-hard-work

Fun Questions to Ask Your Spouse

John Gottman calls them love maps. We call them open ended questions. The point here is that you talk, laugh, dream and learn more about each other. Some questions are silly while others really get you thinking about some possible big life decisions. Either way, pull these out on your next date night or after the kids go to bed and spend time connecting.

Would you rather stay in or go out for a date night?

Would you rather play a board game or watch a movie with me?

Would you rather be a movie star or a famous musician?

Would you rather go into the past and meet your ancestors or go into the future and meet your great-great grandchildren?

Would you rather spend the next year exempt from all taxes or have one month paid vacation?

Would you rather always speak your mind or never speak again?

Would you rather put a stop to war or end world hunger?

Would you rather give or get bad advice?

Would you rather lose your keys or your cell phone?

Would you rather always be gossiped about or never talked about?

Would you rather fail or never try?

Would you rather work in a group or work alone?

Would you rather be stuck on an island alone or with someone who talks incessantly?

Would you rather have more money or more time?

Would you rather have a cook or a maid?

Would you rather hear the good news or the bad news first?

Would you rather be your own boss or work for someone else?

Would you rather have nosy neighbors or noisy neighbors?

Would you rather be a little late or way too early?

Would you rather have an unlimited gift certificate to a restaurant or a clothing store?

Would you rather have many good friends or one very best friend?

Would you rather live in Antarctica or the Sahara Desert?

Would you rather be fluent in all languages or be a master of every musical instrument?

Would you rather fight all the time but be filthy rich or never fight and barely be able to pay the bills each month?

(from Marriage365.org)

Getting Through Grief Together

This is a link to a podcast of a seminar put on by David and Nancy Guthrie

http://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/getting-through-grief-together

Great Wisdom for Couples

I wanted to share this quote and article...great wisdom for couples:

ì“If the purpose of marriage was simply to enjoy an infatuation and make me ‘happy’, then I’d have to get a ‘new’ marriage every two or three years.  But if I really wanted to see God transform me from the inside out, I’d need to concentrate on changing myself rather than on changing my spouse.”
--Gary Thomas, Sacred Marriage

HOW GOOD ARE YOUR EYES? (by Paul Tripp)

I have counseled and pastored for many years, and one of the things that has impressed me over and over again is how self-deluded people can be. Including me.
It's amazingly difficult to see ourselves with accuracy. We see other people with a fairly high degree of accuracy, but we don't seem to see ourselves with the same precision.
Here are a few I've experienced:

• I've been yelled at by angry people who angrily defended themselves when I suggested that they struggled with anger.
• I've had controlling people take over a conversation so they could persuade me how serving they were.
• I've listened to someone boldly proclaim that one of their spiritual strengths was humility.
• I've watched as vengeful people lived unaware of their constant desire to settle the score with others.
• I've pastored many men, eaten with the cancer of lust, who told me that sex wasn't a big struggle for them.
• I've sat with bitter and retaliatory wives who provided me with a list of ways they thought they were loving their husbands.
• I've spoken to gymnasiums full of teenagers who said they respected their elders but actually lived as if they were wiser than the surrounding authorities.
• I've worked alongside ungracious and legalistic pastors who preached about their allegiance to a theology of grace.

Why are we so deluded? Several reasons. First, we make the mistake of comparing ourselves to the diluted standards of the surrounding culture, standards that fall far below God's will for us. Second, we also make the mistake of comparing ourselves to others, always able to find someone who appears to be more sinful than we are. And third, we spend so much time arguing for our righteousness that it leaves little time to reflect on the reality of remaining sin.

Add to all of this the basic nature of sin. Sin is deceitful. It blinds, it hides, it defends, it wears masks, it bends its shape into more acceptable forms, it points fingers of blame, and it even questions the goodness of God. Sin always first blinds the person who is sinning the sin.

A physically blind person is never blind to his or her blindness. They're immediately confronted with the reality that they're unable to see, so they set up boundaries and seek out help to stay safe in the midst of this profound physical deficiency.

Spiritually blind people, however, are convinced that they see quite well. They don't seek help for their blindness, nor do they set up boundaries, because they think they're safe.

Here's what I want to leave you with today: admit that you're more spiritually blind than you realize, and seek resources of sight.

Ask the Lord to open your eyes as you read his Word, as you commune with him in prayer, and as you listen to spiritual authorities. Ask the Lord to give you a humble and receptive heart when fellow brothers and sisters confront your sin, even if you think they're totally inaccurate.

King David says in Psalm 51:3, "For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me." Ask the Lord to give you those eyes that can see and confess sin. There is life-giving blessing in seeing yourself with accuracy, and only grace can grant you that type of sight.

Your Father will give sight when you ask!

God bless
Paul Tripp

Marriage Speed Bumps

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/davewillis/six-speed-bumps-that-can-wreck-a-marriage/

The best and worst ways to disagree in front of the kids

http://www.newsworks.org/index.php/local/nw-philly-parents/89671-the-best-and-worst-ways-to-disagree-with-your-partner-in-front-of-the-kids

Living Happily Ever After

This is a post from Drs Les and Leslie Parrott http://www.lesandleslie.com/

How to Live Happily Ever After – for Real! Why is everyone hungry for more? “More, more,” they say. “More, more.” I have God’s more-than-enough. More joy in one ordinary day. Psalm 4:6-7

Every couple about to be married, whether they admit it or not, harbors dreams of a “perfect” life together. Many newlyweds have told us how “lucky” they felt on their wedding day. At some point, however, every husband and wife realize that they are not a perfect match. They don’t think, feel, and behave in the same ways. Merging their two personalities and backgrounds is more difficult than they expected. That’s when they resign from the hope of living happily ever after. But there is an alternative. Marriages can never be perfect because people are not perfect. Being human, every bride and groom has faults as well as virtues. We are at times gloomy, cranky, selfish, or unreasonable. We are a mixture of generous, altruistic feelings combined with self-seeking aims, petty vanities, and ambitions. We unite love and courage with selfishness and fear. Marriage is an alloy of gold and tin. If we expect more than this, we are doomed to disappointment. So, how can a couple live happily ever after? Not by depending on externals. Too many couples view marriage as winning the lottery: They got lucky, and now they will have interesting and exciting experiences. Now they will be loved and affirmed. Now they will be fulfilled. But marriage is not like winning the lottery — at least not like we think winning the lottery would be. An unexpected cash windfall would certainly make you happy. But only for a short while. Researchers have discovered that a random event (being “lucky”) occurring without your input does not create long-term happiness. You need a sense of mastery, of control; the feeling that something good has happened because you caused it to happen. Living happily ever after only works when you make it work. When you take the raw materials of marriage — the good and the bad that you’ve brought together as persons — to design, create, and build a lasting bond, the result is an enduring and meaningful sense of genuine fulfillment. If, on the other hand, you are counting on the magic of marriage to make you happy, the relationship will leave you crushed, lonely, feeling like a failure, and resigned to your despair. Happiness is an inside job. That’s why living happily ever after need not be a myth.

10 Things I've Learned After 26 Years of Marriage

http://www.christianitytoday.com/edstetzer/2013/august/ten-things-ive-learned-after-26-years-of-marriage.html

Before You Read Another Book on Marriage...

http://www.challies.com/articles/before-you-read-another-book-on-marriage