http://fiercemarriage.com/trust-your-gages-navigating-storms-in-marriage-part-2
Tuesday, November 24, 2015
Tuesday, November 17, 2015
Why You Should Pray for Your Spouse
Article by Kevin A. Thompson
A marriage enjoyed by two people of deep faith should have several characteristics which greatly differ from other marriages. Forgiveness, mercy, passion, and service should be more prevalent in a Christian home. They aren’t always more visible, but they should be.
One of the great gifts which faith should give to a Christian marriage is prayer. On a regular basis, you should pray for your spouse–not just ABOUT them, but FOR them.
Imagine the encouragement it would bring to know that on a nearly daily basis someone is praying for you. They are on your side. They have your back. They are appealing to heaven for your sake.
How Do You Pray For Your Spouse?
Many people would like to pray for their spouse but they do not know how. Prayer is often a topic of obligation for a Christian with very little understanding of how to actually do it. Thankfully, prayer is not as difficult as we make it. And the more we do it, the better we get at it.
Here is a simple outline to use while praying for your spouse:
Thank God for them. Voice to God your gratitude for your spouse. Remember why you fell in love. Thank Him for the privilege of being married (remember, many people long for a spouse or are grieving the loss of a spouse).
Intercede on their behalf. Name your spouse’s greatest struggles for the day. Maybe it is the need for patience during a tough meeting at work. Maybe it is the need for strength while raising toddlers. Whatever the circumstance, understand what is going on in your spouse’s life and lift their concerns to God.
Ask God to reveal Himself to them. While it is important to pray for health and happiness, most of the prayers in the New Testament have a different form. They are prayers asking God to make Himself known to people. Pray that God would reveal Himself in a powerful way to your spouse. If you need language, look at Paul’s prayers in Ephesians or Philippians or Colossians.
Ask God to make you a better spouse. It’s a bold prayer to ask God to change you. No matter who you are, you have weaknesses which can be improved. Asking God to make you a better spouse will challenge your heart to know God, listen to Him, and allow Him to change you.
How Prayer Changes You
Prayer can have a powerful impact on marriage. Not only can God use your prayer to change your spouse, it is guaranteed he will use your prayer to change you.
Whenever you pray for your spouse, you will have more:
Humility. You can’t help but feel humility when you pray for others. As you pray for them, you are reminded of your own need. One of the great dangers in marriage is believing your spouse is more broken than you are. When you believe your spouse is THE problem, you are tempted to feel entitled to something or someone better. Prayer can safeguard your heart from pride.
Compassion. As you pray for someone, you begin to see them more like God sees them. Even if you do not like their actions, you have a better understanding for why they act as they do. If you lack compassion for your spouse, chances are you are not praying for him/her.
Action. One of my favorite sayings when it comes to prayer is “live your prayer.” Whenever you pray about something, you should also make yourself available to God for Him to use you to answer your prayers. When we pray for our spouse’s well-being, we are more likely to act in our spouse’s best interests.
Prayer is not magic. It’s not the secret ingredient which can save any marriage. However, prayer can dramatically change most relationships. If two people would honestly pray for one another and passionately attempt to live their prayer, very few relationships would fail.
Pray for your spouse, not with the intent of manipulation, but with the honest desire for their well-being.
Tuesday, November 10, 2015
Marriage "Mines"
By R. Scott Rodin
The road to a happy marriage is littered with mines. I can hear you say, “Yep, stepped on a few.” They are explosive and can leave a lot of wounds behind. And yet, they are avoidable, if you are willing to identify them and steer clear.
There are three ‘marriage mines’ I will focus on: my needs, my time and my feelings.
The key to avoiding these mines is in understanding the difference between a stewardand an owner. Here’s a quick definition. Stewards see everything as belonging to God and their role is to take care of all God has given them. Owners see things as belonging to them and they are in control to use them as they please.
Imagine your son borrows your car and brings it back dirty and empty. When you confront him on it he replies, “Hey, I can do what I want. It’s my car.” Feel your blood pressure rising? He was given the role of a steward and he turned it into a negligent owner.
So here is the question – are you an owner or a steward of your marriage? Is it a gift from God that you steward lovingly and selflessly to glorify God, or do you see your marriage as ‘mine’, something you can control for your own ends?
With these definitions in place, let’s look at the three ‘mines’.
Marriage Mine #1: My Needs
Owners in a marriage focus on their own needs and look to their spouse to meet them. This can be overt or subtle. Needs can be for attention, praise, service, sex, etc.
We all have these needs and we hope they are met in our marriages. The key here is whether they are the focus of our marriage (owner) or the result of our desire to first meet the needs of our spouse (steward).
Owners control relationships to be sure their needs are met first. Stewards are free to meet the needs of their spouse first, believing that through sacrificial love, their needs will be met in return.
If you are always looking to get your needs met, you are stepping into a ’mine’ field. Step away and choose instead to be a steward that meets the needs of your spouse first and foremost.
Marriage Mine #2: My Time
Owners protect their time as their time. Stinginess with time is a major marriage ‘mine’ field. How often have you heard these phrases?
- “We don’t spend enough time together.”
- “You don’t spend enough time with the kids.”
- “You’re always spending time with your friends and not me.”
Time in a marriage is a precious commodity. If we use it and control it as owners we will constantly be stepping on the ‘mines’ of time.
Here our Christian faith demands even more of us. The reality is, all time belongs to God. Every second we are alive is a gift from God. Stewards acknowledge this and want nothing less than to invest their time as God directs. They pray about how God would have them use their time and they invest their time in the gifts he has given them. And marriage is at the top of that list.
How different would your marriage be if you both committed every second of your day to God and sought through prayer how He would have you spend it? How many time wasting habits would be broken? How many more minutes and hours would be freed up to invest in each other, in family, in devotions and in prayer?
Steward your time as God’s time and avoid the ‘my time’ mine field.
Marriage Mine #3: My Feelings
Just as with our needs and our time, owners focus on ‘my feelings’ first and try to control situations accordingly.
Owners protect their feelings and exact revenge when they are abused. When two people get entangled in a war of protection and revenge, marriages have hit significant ‘mine’ fields.
Stewards are free to love their spouse and guard their spouse’s feelings instead of their own. They follow the example of Jesus, “We love Him because He first loved us.” By investing our full self in the care taking of the feelings of our spouse, we not only show our love for them, but we set them free to do that same for us.
Steward the feelings of your spouse and avoid the ‘my feelings’ mine field. Remember, any hint of ownership and the whole thing falls apart.
When you turn these ‘mines’ into ‘yours’, ‘ours’ and ‘God’s’, your marriage can grow deeper and richer, and God gets the glory. Are you an owner or a steward of your marriage?
Thursday, November 5, 2015
Wednesday, November 4, 2015
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