Happily Ever After

3 Questions to Quench Marital Bitterness

"Resentment in marriage accumulates in the soul and slowly, but surely, poisons the one who carries it. In order to have sweetness in your marriage, you first have to quench bitterness. Here are three questions you need to ask".....

http://www.markmerrill.com/3-questions-to-quench-marital-bitterness/

How Laughter Can Help During Tough Times

"Have you and your spouse taken time to laugh together lately? Laughter can be an incredible relief on an ordinary day, but it’s especially important during difficult times. In order to endure tough times and come out stronger on the other side, we must be able to laugh".....

https://www.symbis.com/blog/how-laughter-can-help-you-and-your-spouse-during-tough-times/

3 Things I Learned During a Trying Season of Marriage

***Although this article is written to pastors/ministers, it is still applicable to all marriages.***

"If you’re married, your second calling after the Lord is to your spouse. Not your children, not your job/ministry, not your hobbies. When you focus on loving Christ first, it then overflows toward your spouse".....

https://factsandtrends.net/2019/11/01/3-things-i-learned-during-a-trying-season-of-marriage/

5 Things to Do When Your Wife Won't Forgive You

"These suggestions are not things you can do in a vacuum; you should do them repeatedly. Even though your wife’s heart may not change, your heart will definitely change if you do these things consistently".....

https://www.allprodad.com/5-things-asking-for-forgiveness/

Don't Say These Things!

Make Life Dreams Come True

"As you imagine the future, who do you want to be and what do you want to be about? Not only as an individual, but also as a couple. You get to decide together"......

https://www.gottman.com/blog/make-life-dreams-come-true/

4 Ways to Help Your Spouse Trust You Again

"Have you ever damaged or broken your spouse’s trust in you? Earning that trust back takes hard work and patience on both your parts. The good news is, in many situations, it’s possible to earn their trust again".....

https://www.symbis.com/blog/4-ways-to-help-your-spouse-trust-you-again/

The Magic Ratio

"Have you ever counted how many positive or negative interactions you have with your partner? It may sound like an odd thing to track, but it can be a key component of having a happy stable relationship".....

https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-magic-ratio-the-key-to-relationship-satisfaction/

If "I" Win, "We" Lose

"At times in your marriage you can end up feeling like you have an opponent, not a partner or friend".....

https://careynieuwhof.com/if-i-win-we-lose-3-ways-to-handle-your-conflict-better/

the enemy

Husbands Can Only Be Influential If They Accept Influence

"Being open to influence requires a man to let go of avoidant strategies like distancing, attacking, and defensiveness. This doesn’t mean adopting an inferior position, but rather allowing his partner’s needs to be of primary importance in his life".....

https://www.gottman.com/blog/husband-can-influential-accept-influence/

My Spouse's Criticism Broke My Heart

"If your spouse is (or has been) critical and you’re having a hard time healing, there are a few things you can do to move forward".....

https://www.symbis.com/blog/my-spouses-criticism-broke-my-heart-how-do-i-heal/

The Power of "Thank You"

"We probably have much to be thankful for about our spouses and our families, if only we would take the time to notice".....

http://www.markmerrill.com/two-powerful-words-that-can-transform-your-relationship

5 Things I Wish I Knew as a Newlywed

"If I could go back to counsel my younger self, here are 5 things newlyweds should know that I wish I knew when I was one".....

http://www.markmerrill.com/5-things-newlyweds-should-know

Everyday Ways to Reconnect and Nurture Your Relationship

"Reconnect and nurture your relationship. With daily lives upended due to the pandemic, it’s understandable if your relationship receded into the background or feels fractured lately"..... 

https://www.gottman.com/blog/everyday-ways-to-reconnect-and-nurture-your-relationship/

Ask this question

When You Exchange Gifts, Watch Out for this Conflict

"Whenever her husband Will gives her a gift, Erin is torn. Instead of being excited about the beautiful necklace, phone upgrade, or trendy shoes, all she can think of is how far the expense is taking them over their budget".....

https://shaunti.com/2020/11/when-you-exchange-gifts-watch-out-for-this-conflict/

Resent Your Spouse? 5 Ways to Reset

"Resentment is an insidious force that creeps into marriages and cripples them. It’s important to rid your marriage of any resentment that might exist, choosing instead to focus on your love for one another. But sometimes, resentment roots into your attitude toward your spouse anyway, and it takes work to weed it out again. If you feel that you resent your spouse, here are a few ways to hit the reset button."

https://www.symbis.com/blog/resent-your-spouse-5-ways-to-reset/

Wives: This is What Makes Your Man Vulnerable

"An iceberg is typically 90% below the surface, with only 10% visible. Does your man ever seem like that iceberg, with so much hiding under the surface compared to the small portion you can actually see? Like many men, he probably doesn’t volunteer a whole lot about what he’s thinking and feeling deep down".....

https://shaunti.com/2020/11/this-is-what-makes-your-man-vulnerable-be-aware-and-take-care/

Be Flexible

Minimize the Little Annoyances

"Here’s how you might define a little annoyance in your marriage: If you’d most likely be embarrassed to tell a marriage counselor about the behavior, it’s likely a little annoyance. You can almost anticipate the counselor’s response, 'Really? That [behavior] actually bothers you?'".....

https://homeword.com/jims-blog/minimize-the-little-annoyances-in-marriage-2/#.X61llGhKiUk

6 Steps for Resolving Conflict in Marriage

"Since every marriage has its tensions, it isn’t a question of avoiding them but of how you deal with them. Conflict can lead to a process that develops oneness or isolation. You and your spouse must choose how you will act when conflict occurs".....

https://www.familylife.com/articles/topics/marriage/staying-married/resolving-conflict/6-steps-for-resolving-conflict-in-marriage/

Love is a Verb

Importance of Forgiveness and Resilience in Marriage

"Forgiveness is an essential part of all healthy relationships, and resilience helps us bounce back from hard times. In order to come back from conflict stronger than before, forgiveness is an absolute requirement. The two characteristics go hand-in-hand, and must be diligently practiced to maintain a healthy marriage".....

https://www.symbis.com/blog/the-importance-of-forgiveness-resilience-in-marriage/

Secrets to Matrimonial Friendship

"marriages that have been robbed of friendship are missing a vital element in making a relationship a paradise. If friendship has grown cold in your marriage or was never given an opportunity to develop in the first place, you can change that".....

https://www.familylife.com/articles/topics/marriage/staying-married/gods-plan-for-marriage/secrets-to-matrimonial-friendship/

5 Things Every Wife Desires on a Date with Her Husband

"While I continue to advocate for creative date nights, I’ve learned that our wives need more from us than just 'taking her out' to make a date night really beneficial. Here are 5 things every wife desires on a date with her husband, to show that he doesn’t take her for granted".....

http://www.markmerrill.com/what-wives-need-from-their-husbands

Life Giving Words

invalidation

Getting Ready for a Not-So-Typical Holiday Season Together

"If you find yourself facing down a holiday season that looks nothing like your normal, festive routine, there are some things you and your spouse can do to make it happy and enjoyable for everyone. Let’s dive in".....

https://www.symbis.com/blog/7-ways-to-prepare-for-a-not-so-typical-holiday-season-together/

Choose One of These 12 Tiny Big Things for Your Marriage

"I hear over and over, 'Marriage is so complicated.' After 20 years of working with couples, I say over and over, 'Marriage is easier than you think.' Practice one of these tiny things for a week".....

https://marriedpeople.org/choose-one-of-these-12-tiny-big-things-for-your-marriage/

How to Know if You're in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship

"Three types of emotional abuse can easily be disguised: gaslighting, retaliation and projection. Recognize when you’re in an emotionally abusive relationship".....

https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/how-to-know-if-youre-in-an-emotionally-abusive-relationship/

3 Lies About Porn That Could Be Destroying Your Marriage

"The truth:  Pornography doesn’t help couples stay faithful. It destroys the emotional safety in the marriage and in many cases, leads to increased infidelity as well as the breakdown of the marriage".....

https://www.lisamurrayonline.com/feed/2019/7/21/3-lies-about-pornography-that-could-be-destroying-your-marriage

4 Ways to Respond When Your Husband is Angry

"Have you ever wounded your spouse with words that slipped out during an argument? Maybe you meant to diffuse the fight with humor, but instead, you used sarcasm that stung your wife. Or perhaps you hoped what you said would appease an angry husband but it only upset him more. Today’s post, used with permission from iMOM, provides a solid plan for responding when your husband is angry (but husbands, these points apply when wives are angry, too)".....

http://www.markmerrill.com/4-ways-to-respond-angry-husband

Catch NOT Tennis

The Spirit-Filled Wife

"It’s fascinating to me that the role of a wife in a marriage is very similar to the role of the Holy Spirit in the life of the believer. Here are five roles women play in marriage".....

https://marriagetoday.com/the-spirit-filled-wife/

The Spirit-Filled Husband

"No man ever accidentally becomes a Christlike husband. This only happens intentionally. You have to say to God, 'I want You to make me into a Christlike man.' Then you compare yourself not to the world’s standards of love, but to the standards of Jesus Christ."

https://marriagetoday.com/the-spirit-filled-husband/

Giving and Receiving Comfort

"We all want to be loved and understood by those aware of our past pains and present insecurities. But going one step further, a deeper bond is created when you and your spouse know how to intimately comfort each other and bring relief to individual or shared tension".....

https://www.focusonthefamily.ca/content/four-steps-to-giving-and-receiving-comfort-in-marriage

Hidden Triggers | Jamal & Natasha Miller

"Jamal and Natasha Miller share how the enemy uses your pain to get you and your spouse to believe you are on two different teams. Don’t let hidden triggers cause division, instead let them bring healing and togetherness".....

Exit Strategy

Steps to Reconnect When You Feel Disconnected

"Culture has distorted what makes passion sizzle in a marriage. Advertisements convey the message that a romantic getaway or expensive jewelry is the way to a woman’s heart, but I find the dull moments of relationships are the most significant of all".....

https://www.gottman.com/blog/3-steps-reconnect-feel-disconnected-partner/

Should we argue in front of the kids?

Complacency

Things Women Say to Men

"Both wives and husbands need to be willing to use words carefully and keep working at better communication. Don’t let these phrases become ruts because ruts lead to roots of bitterness. When your spouse says something you don’t understand, keep asking: 'What does that mean to you?'".....

http://www.markmerrill.com/things-women-say-to-men/

How to Stay Married When You're Stuck Between Raising Teenagers and Aging Parents

"Caring for family on both ends of the spectrum—growing kids and aging parents—can compromise even the healthiest marriage. For the many mid-lifers who find themselves pulled in two directions, it’s imperative for us to discern how to protect and nurture our marriages as we serve our families".....

https://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2018/october-web-only/divorce-marriage-midlife-stuck-between-needy-teens-aging-pa.html

Time to Let Go of Perfectionism

"Are you a perfectionist? Is your spouse? Although perfectionists tend to pride themselves on their meticulousness and attention to detail, those of us who experience perfectionism often find that the people around us don’t necessarily uphold our ideals. And in a marriage, perfectionistic tendencies can create major strain".....

https://www.symbis.com/blog/why-its-time-to-let-go-of-perfectionism-in-your-marriage/

Are You Listening?

"See if you can relate to any of these situations"......

https://www.familylife.com/articles/topics/marriage/staying-married/communication/are-you-listening/

How to Create "Feel Good" Habits in Your Marriage

"Everyone knows we should all be striving to create healthy habits in our daily lives, and we also know the struggle that can sometimes be. It’s hard! Habits are little behaviors, routines, or rituals we do on a regular basis – sometimes they just kind of happen over time, and other times we’ve worked to make it happen".....

https://blog.prepare-enrich.com/2020/09/how-to-create-feel-good-habits-in-your-marriage/

Forgiveness

Weathering the Winter of Our Marriage

"Commitment doesn’t inoculate us against marriage atrophy. In fact, some would argue that it’s the cause of it. But it’s the thing that keeps us in and has us weather the droughts that are an inevitable part of a long marriage".....

https://www.gottman.com/blog/embracing-seasonal-shifts-in-our-marriage/

5 Everyday Marriage Problems and How to Tackle Them

"Today, we’re breaking down five everyday marriage problems most couples will encounter at sometime in their relationship. Let’s take a look".....

https://www.symbis.com/blog/5-everyday-marriage-problems-and-how-to-tackle-them/

10 Ways Spouses Push Each Other Away

"Pushing people away can be unintentional. We may not do it on purpose, but here are 10 ways spouses push each other away".....

http://www.markmerrill.com/10-ways-pushing-people-away

Wielding Wisdom in Conflicts

"It struck me recently how much I want to speak wisdom into the lives of others, especially my spouse. But how often is my wisdom self-serving? How often does my wisdom look more like words that will transform them and make MY life easier?! HA!".....

http://beating50percent.com/7-ways-to-wield-wisdom-in-conversations-and-conflict/

10 Surprising Ways to Increase Romance

"These 10 ideas will help bring back the desire you enjoyed as a couple early on in your relationship. But they have nothing to do with mood lighting or lingerie. These suggestions will give you back the romance you’ve lost by making your character more attracted (and attractive) to your spouse".....

https://www.familylife.com/articles/topics/marriage/staying-married/romance-and-sex/10-surprising-ways-to-increase-romance/

3 Reasons to Stop Idealizing Your Spouse

"But the truth is, idealizing your spouse is harmful to your marriage long-term. That’s because idealization isn’t the same thing as being enamored with, or in love with, your spouse. In fact, idealization is in direct contrast to the Christlike love we should cultivate for one another".....

https://www.symbis.com/blog/3-reasons-to-stop-idealizing-your-spouse/

Stress

How to Change Your Own Contempt

"You may not even be aware of how you are acting or speaking out of contempt—often it can feel like you are being genuine. Dr. John Gottman realized there needs to be a path that leads to a culture of appreciation, and that is by expressing your feelings and longings".....

https://www.gottman.com/blog/how-to-change-your-own-contempt/

Three Circles of Marriage

Marriage: Should've, Would've, Could've

"I battled a sense of 'should’ve, would’ve, could’ve.' If you’re battling that same sense, here’s what you have in common with the very first couple—and why you can have hope for what marriage can be".....

http://www.markmerrill.com/hope-for-marriages

Taking a Mulligan in Marriage Conflict

"Dr. Gottman has discovered that successful marriages use repair attempts like golfers use mulligans".....

https://www.gottman.com/blog/mastering-marriage-conflict-mulligans/

Deepen Your Intimacy During Difficult Times

"Difficult times can refine or break your relationship. That’s why it’s so important to stay connected. Through intentional action, it’s possible to deepen your intimacy during hard seasons. Let’s look at eight ways you and your spouse can deepen your intimacy, despite being in the midst of a difficult time".....

https://www.symbis.com/blog/8-ways-to-deepen-your-intimacy-during-difficult-times/

Porn Doubles Chance of Divorce

"A 2016 study from the University of Oklahoma found that beginning to watch pornography doubles the chance that a marriage will end in divorce within the following two years".....

https://homeword.com/articles/marriage-research-porn-doubles-chance-of-divorce-in-two-years/#.X054bnlKiUk

Sharing the Load for Back to School

Even if you already divide up responsibilities equally, take a look at everything on your collective plate and make sure you can both reasonably handle your load.

https://www.familylife.com/articles/topics/parenting/parenting-challenges/frazzled-family/sharing-the-load-for-back-to-school/

Marriage Events Coming Up

Everyone's Sex Drive is Not the Same

"Has your spouse ever told you 'You seem to want sex all the time'? Or perhaps you hear 'I wish we could be intimate more often'? Regardless if you’ve been married three weeks or three decades, comments like these are incredibly common".....

https://www.reengage.org/blog/sex-drive-not-the-same

Is My Marriage Over?

"It’s an agonizing, daunting place to be—perhaps one of slammed doors. Tense voices. Tears dripping from your jaw when you’re alone. Somehow you’re asking the question that never flitted through your mind when your rings were shiny, eyes dreamy: Is my marriage over?".....

https://www.familylife.com/articles/topics/marriage/staying-married/is-my-marriage-over/

Spouse or Children: Who Comes First?

"We often slip into functioning more like healthy roommates sharing space, teammates working to tackle common goals and responsibilities, and co-parents raising our kids. These things certainly aren’t bad—we don’t take it for granted that, at least so far, these things have come relatively easy for us. But what hasn’t been easy is prioritizing other aspects of our relationship as husband and wife: physical, emotional, and spiritual intimacy".....

https://www.familylife.com/articles/topics/marriage/staying-married/spouse-or-children-who-comes-first/