Article written by Leslie Vernick www.leslievernick.com
As Christian women, we may feel trapped in relationships where our
needs, desires, and even our safety are not being respected or valued. We may
have been taught that submission to our husbands is our primary responsibility,
even if it means sacrificing our own well-being and that of our children. But
is this really what God intends for us?
Let’s start by acknowledging that marriage can be challenging even
under the best of circumstances. It requires sacrifice, compromise, and hard
work from both partners. However, when a marriage becomes destructive, it’s
essential to seek help and support. This can be especially difficult for
Christian women who may feel ashamed or guilty for not being able to make their
marriages work.
The Bible never says that submission is only a wife’s
responsibility, nor does it give husbands the final say in all decisions. This
has been misunderstood and misinterpreted, causing harm to men, women, and
children and thwarting God’s plan for loving family relationships. We must
reject any teaching that condones abusive or controlling behavior and instead
seek God’s truth on the matter.
As wives, we are called to be our husband’s helpmates, but this
goes beyond mere submission. Our role is to encourage and support our spouses
to grow and mature in their relationship with God and to love them as Christ
loved the Church. This means you may have to confront sin, implement
boundaries, and, yes, consequences…for his good. We must also learn to love
ourselves and our children enough to protect them from harm.
Biblical headship is not about wielding power or demanding
obedience. Jesus demonstrated headship through sacrificial servanthood,
modeling humility, compassion, and love. Husbands are called to love their
wives as Christ loved the Church, giving themselves up for her. This means that
husbands should initiate and model servanthood, showing the way and going first
in putting the needs of their family above their own.
Likewise, biblical submission is not about being a doormat or
allowing yourself to be mistreated. Submission cannot be forced or coerced but
must come from a heart that desires to please God and serve others.
If you find yourself in a
destructive marriage, it may be difficult to imagine a way out. You may feel
trapped and hopeless. But please know that God is with you, and He desires for
you to be safe and whole. He sees your pain and your struggles, and He truly
cares. God loves you and values your safety and sanity.
