What you say really does matter (From Drs Les and Leslie Parrott)

A Surprising Predictor of Marriage Success 09/30/2015 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 2:29 Did you know that how you talk about each other to your friends and family and even strangers can predict your success as a couple? That’s what researchers at the University of Washington in Seattle report. A ten-year study followed 95 couples beginning six months into their marriages. The initial hour-long interview together probed their relationship, their parents' union and their philosophy of marriage. More than what was actually said, researchers noted whether they expressed fondness and admiration for their partner, if they talked about themselves as a unit, if they finished each other's sentences, referenced each other when they told a story, and whether what came to mind was pleasant. Turns out that couples characterized by these ways of talking about one another and their relationship are far more likely to enjoy life-long love. In fact, with this information alone, researchers can predict with 87% accuracy whether a couple will end up divorcing.

Forgive me my nonsense, as I also forgive the nonsense of those that think they talk sense. --Robert Frost Think about that. How you talk to others about your spouse and your relationship is a huge indicator of the state of your union. Even within just the first six months of marriage, the signs become pretty clear. The authors of the study found that couples who endure talk to others about their spouse as if they are wearing “rose-colored glasses." Those who will divorce talk to others about their spouse with cynicism. How can this be? It comes down to how our attitudes shape the way we view your spouse. If you give public praise to others about your spouse, you will inevitably look more favorably upon him or her yourself. You will discover a deeper appreciation for your partner than you had before. In fact, the more opportunities you find to talk positively about your partner when he or she isn’t present, the more likely you are to increase your loving attitudes and behaviors toward him or her. In other words, what you say about your spouse, for good or ill, shapes the way you think, feel, and act in your marriage. Reflect and Respond As you review the past 48 hours, how would you characterize the way you talk to others about your spouse or your marriage?

The Danger of Unresolved Conflict

 

Learn 5 practical ways to deal with this relationship killer.
http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/relationships/secret-enemy-your-marriage

September Date Night (From Willow Creek Community Church)

Couples Need Community

This article from Paul David Tripp is about individuals but I think it's a great word for couples as well.  Couples don't need to go it alone.  We were created for fellowship.

http://www.paultripp.com/ViewMail.aspx?p=32ae7a140622732ae7aD8&mmid=75D0g14531375D0g11e

Does your marriage need a little more grace?

From Les and Leslie Parrot... How to Bring More Grace into Your Marriage 09/02/2015 Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. 2 Corinthians 12:9 It’s common practice for a new website or software to go public in what is referred to as a “beta” version. When Microsoft, for example, launches a new system upgrade it will come out in beta before the “official” or final version is released. The idea of a beta site is it's still in test mode. In other words, it is available for the public to use, but with the understanding that you may find bugs in it. The site is not making any claims to have everything worked out to perfection. If you are a mature person, you don't get angry with a beta site if some aspect of its functionality is not doing what you think it should. You give a beta version plenty of grace and the site is counting on you to give grace. The same principle holds true in marriage. Think how much conflict, frustration, and friction we could avoid in our relationship if we treated each other as “beta spouses.” If we could remember that we are all a work in progress – ourselves as well as our partner – life would be exponentially easier.

Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor. --Anne Lamott So why don’t we do that? For many, the reason rests on an unrealistic level of perfectionism. And perfection was never meant for marriage. Of course, this does not mean we should not aim for high standards in our relationship or within ourselves. But there is a huge difference between perfectionism and excellence. Excellence is not attaining an impossibly out-of-reach goal. It has to do with living up to our potential. Everyone, no matter how lowly, has the potential to attain excellence in his or her life – but not perfection. When you wake up each morning, give yourself – and your partner – permission live in beta mode, surrounded with lots of grace. And if you insist on perfection, let it have to do with God’s power being made perfect in your weakness. Reflect and Respond What one trait or behavior in yourself would you like your partner to see as a “beta” version of you and why?